Please Continue to Hold

Is government a bloated bureaucratic nightmare? 

I had a recent personal experience regarding just that issue.

The other day, I received a check in the mail from the IRS for $1007.04. The problem is that I just finished my taxes and ended up owing several hundred. So why did they give me a check? Printed at the bottom left of the check was “INT 7.04” I assumed that meant interest and that the check was originally $1000.

This story isn't about numbers, so hang in there.

As I am self employed, I file estimated tax payments throughout the year. I looked through all my estimated payments and there was one check this year with that amount. But why would they send the exact same amount (with interest) back to me?

This is where things get weird.

I called the IRS 800 number to clear it up and that’s when the stereotypical view of government took over. At the other end of the line was a lovely, soothing, female, computer generated voice. It gave me options: 1 - English or 2 - Spanish. I pressed one. Then came three options 1 - Questions on refunds or extended returns, 2 - blah, blah, blah, 3 - blah, blah, blah, blah.

I pressed one. Then she asked for my social security number, my date of birth, and zip code.  Not understanding the connection, I did what I was told.

Then came on some more options that were unrelated to me, so I decided to press zero for the operator. That didn't work, but they did give me one last set of options: press buttons 1 through 5 for things don’t relate to me or they will hang up. I couldn't understand why there wasn't a "press button number 8 for WAIT" option. 

I hung up.

I got on the phone again and this time manipulated the options so that I could speak to an operator. Success! The voice said the wait time would be 15 to 30 minutes. With the hope someone else would get off the line and I would be in at 10 minutes, I decided to wait while the new-age massage therapy music played on in the background.

15 minutes went by and I got up from my desk to stretch. 30 minutes went by and I turned the phone to speaker. I opened the fridge to see what I could eat while I waited. I can’t eat. What if they answer and I have my mouth full. Fine! I could drink some ice tea and wait. Man, no ice tea!  Then I remembered the sun tea on the deck. I went to get it, but cautiously made my way, just in case the phone signal turned fuzzy. I brought the sun tea in, plopped in some ice, and waited…and waited…and waited.

45 minutes passed and my frustration had turned into anger. “What is with these guys?” I asked myself aloud. “Is this a clever ploy to delay me so long that I hang up? What are we paying them for?" Oh no! They must be under funded and lack staffing; the IRS needs to hire more people…RIGHT? Nooooot!.They are just incompetent. After amusing myself with my clever deductions of government operations I looked at the clock.

An hour had gone by. My anger turned to acceptance. This is just government. I looked through my Facebook page, check my email, then turned on the local news and watched it until the national news came on.

Incidentally, At every 2.5 minute interval, the female voice would remind me “Our representatives are still helping other customers. Please continue to hold.” For a moment I thought that they were intentionally ignoring calls, kicking back with their feet on the desk, laughing at interdepartmental jokes. But that's impossible…the IRS doesn’t laugh about anything.

At an hour and a half I had to go to the bathroom. Oh well, that’s what the speaker phone is for. Soon I was hungry and went to the kitchen to make a salad. I wanted to make dinner, but it had to be something easy to prepare, so I wouldn't miss the IRS representative. Pizza it is.

The news had ended -- and it was the two hour mark. I was ready to hang up, but by this time I had to know if they would ever answer. I was in it for the long haul.

After 2.25 hours of waiting it was 6:40pm. I was munching on pizza, knowing that they close at 7:00pm. I almost hoped they wouldn’t answer, because I could tell all my friends how messed up and incompetent the IRS and government is. 

But at 6:43pm……………………..it happened.

I was completely amazed - there was a click and a monotone voice that said "standby".
Soon, another female voice came on. This time a real one. An American. A black woman - I think....(according to Louise C.K. as pointed out on his SNL monologue - that's mild racism).  It was Mrs. Nangle #100022119912314141414141414414 or something like that. I was so impressed that someone answered I couldn’t keep track of the identification number she threw at me,

For a second I forgot why I called, then remembered and explained my situation. After I proved who I was, she told me to hold for a minute…..I almost cried, but I didn’t, because I’m a grown man and a grown man doesn’t cry, unless his daughter is getting married and he will never see her in the house as his baby girl, or maybe if a vet comes back from the war and surprises his kid at a school assembly, or maybe if a mother cat sleeps with her baby kitty with hugs. Wow…off track.

She came back to me and said she found the trouble. It was a simple mistake where I applied my estimated check with a 2013 voucher instead of a 2014 voucher. She said I should void it and send it back with an explanation. She would make a note so it doesn’t affect my taxes.

She was great. Was it worth the wait? Yeah, because I got my taxes squared away, and no because I didn’t get the extra cash, and/or  I'm not sure because I am just now recovering from hitting the wall of a mental marathon of patience (of which I'm proud to have survived and may make a T-shirt out of). 

So to answer my original question, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a perfect example of how Government is bloated and inefficient. Heavy sigh.
Nevertheless, I have to admit that as bloated and inefficient the government may be, the employees rock! Thank you, Mrs. Nangle!