Memory lost and found

Memory Lost and Found

Have you ever forgotten where you put your car keys? How about people’s names? Now what if you lost your memory about what keys are? Or lost all memory about everyone you ever knew?

            That is what happened to a guy I met. He had a tumor in his brain and it had to be removed. Before they operated, the doctor warned him that he would lose his memory. As expected, once the surgery was completed he was a blank slate. When he woke, his wife, brothers and children were at his bedside and he knew none of them. He told me that even though their faces were familiar, but it was frightening when he couldn't remember their names—or even his own. In fact, he had to relearn reading, writing, walking…practically everything.

            The greatest fear he had when he awoke was whether he could trust the people around him. It was as if he was an alien being dropped down from another planet, without any clues to how things worked. After many months of physical therapy and reassurance from his family, he eventually came to trust them. Everything he knows now of the past is through the eyes of his wife, brothers, children, and friends.

            When we were talking he quoted his dad, “My dad always said if you don’t have time to do something right the first time, how can you find time to do it right the second time.”

            “How did you know your dad said that?” I asked.

            He replied, “I know it because my brothers told me.”

            His survival was something he was extremely grateful for, but starting from scratch seemed to me an almost insurmountable task. Not to know your own home, road, city, or even country, is a daily battle he fights. Figuring he had a fresh outlook on the world with his new mind, I asked him what he thought of the U.S. He said, “It’s the best country in the world.” That was good to hear. He seemed to have a positive and refreshing view. Going out was his week spot. He would get embarrassed that he didn’t know the people who knew him and he feared he might have done wrong to others and not know it. Coincidentally, two months earlier I had a dream that I lost my memory (Alzheimer’s) and I woke up in a panic. It wasn’t a pretty feeling, but it gave me a glimpse of what he may be going through. I tried to encourage him by saying he has a new start on life, but secretly I knew it would be agonizing for anyone to start over.

            He recently got his drivers license and I am sure the freedom and control will benefit him; even though at present he sticks fervently to the same route. One interesting side effect was his relationship with his wife of 40 years. He said he was having fun. I guess it was like a new romance. She must have been one dedicated woman to stick close to his side.

 It made me realize how important we are to each other. It is easy to take someone for granted when you see them day-in and day-out with set expectations. With the season of giving underway, it’s important that we remember to love one another and to make an effort to improve on those relationships that are strained or even broken. 

In the coming year we have a chance to start again. In some ways, I wish I could just press the reset button in my mind. To trust and appreciate others better…to see the freshness in those relationships before it’s too late. Try not to let that happen to you. We are only here a short term on Earth…make the best of that time.

Season’s greetings and blessing to you all!