Memory Lost and Found
Have you ever forgotten where you put your car keys? How
about people’s names? Now what if you lost your memory about what keys are? Or
lost all memory about everyone you ever knew?
That is
what happened to a guy I met. He had a tumor in his brain and it had to be
removed. Before they operated, the doctor warned him that he would lose his
memory. As expected, once the surgery was completed he was a blank slate. When
he woke, his wife, brothers and children were at his bedside and he knew none
of them. He told me that even though their faces were familiar, but it was
frightening when he couldn't remember their names—or even his own. In fact, he
had to relearn reading, writing, walking…practically everything.
The
greatest fear he had when he awoke was whether he could trust the people around
him. It was as if he was an alien being dropped down from another planet,
without any clues to how things worked. After many months of physical therapy
and reassurance from his family, he eventually came to trust them. Everything
he knows now of the past is through the eyes of his wife, brothers, children,
and friends.
When we
were talking he quoted his dad, “My dad always said if you don’t have time to
do something right the first time, how can you find time to do it right the
second time.”
“How did
you know your dad said that?” I asked.
He replied,
“I know it because my brothers told me.”
His
survival was something he was extremely grateful for, but starting from scratch
seemed to me an almost insurmountable task. Not to know your own home, road,
city, or even country, is a daily battle he fights. Figuring he had a fresh
outlook on the world with his new mind, I asked him what he thought of the U.S.
He said, “It’s the best country in the world.” That was good to hear. He seemed
to have a positive and refreshing view. Going out was his week spot. He would
get embarrassed that he didn’t know the people who knew him and he feared he
might have done wrong to others and not know it. Coincidentally, two months
earlier I had a dream that I lost my memory (Alzheimer’s) and I woke up in a
panic. It wasn’t a pretty feeling, but it gave me a glimpse of what he may be
going through. I tried to encourage him by saying he has a new start on life,
but secretly I knew it would be agonizing for anyone to start over.
He recently
got his drivers license and I am sure the freedom and control will benefit him;
even though at present he sticks fervently to the same route. One interesting
side effect was his relationship with his wife of 40 years. He said he was
having fun. I guess it was like a new romance. She must have been one dedicated
woman to stick close to his side.
It made me realize how important we are to each
other. It is easy to take someone for granted when you see them day-in and
day-out with set expectations. With the season of giving underway, it’s important that we
remember to love one another and to make an effort to improve on those
relationships that are strained or even broken.
In the coming year we have a
chance to start again. In some ways, I wish I could just press the reset button
in my mind. To trust and appreciate others better…to see the freshness in those
relationships before it’s too late. Try not to let that happen to you. We are
only here a short term on Earth…make the best of that time.
Season’s greetings and blessing to
you all!
